Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
