I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I think i peed on brittanys purse
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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