TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
