Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Randomize
