The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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