I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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