Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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