We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
