I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
