put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
