I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
