You're my little dorito
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
