I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize
