So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
