who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
