i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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