Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
oh god the rape fog is back!
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
