one two three fourrrrnication!
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
