giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I am midnight drunk by noon
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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