last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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