my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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