Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
