Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
