did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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