Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
