Your mouth is God's brothel.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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