Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
