i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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