Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Someone stole a lamp last night.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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