Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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