We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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