Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
