For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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