Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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