i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
