I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
