She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
