if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
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He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
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He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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