College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
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