You can't special order awesome
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
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tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
