haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
