four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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