so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
