whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
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