But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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