i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
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