im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
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