Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
