but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
