careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
