hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
