so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
