And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
