I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
