what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
