Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
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dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
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We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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