Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
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I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
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Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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