EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
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I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
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I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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