im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Randomize
