He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
