ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
