Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
