I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
