I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Randomize
