I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Randomize
