i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
