Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
